We’ve probably all been there, patting ourselves for a job well done. Sensing that you aced the test, nailed the interview, wowed the director at an audition, it’s awesome isn’t it?
Then the little doubt monster shows up for a visit, playing with its host, and slowly but surely eats away at the self-esteem and positivity. As the sense of accomplishment fades and the doubts role in, you no longer feels so ecstatic. Soon butterflies become more like stinging wasps, you could crawl out of your skin. Maybe you disasterize a bit, maybe things seem to be closing in on you. The only thing that seems certain by that point is that you’ve bombed.
That’s where I was yesterday evening before I my phone rang. I’d gotten a callback. I could have shrieked with delight, jumped up and down! What a wonderful surprise. Instead I thanked the director, hung up and skipped to the kitchen and told my father. Then I got on Facebook to message my high school director and drama coach.
But, then it started over. By the time I went to sleep, I was on the verge of grabbing a Xanax. I didn’t. This was no panic attack, just my regular reaction to the audition process.
I never have stage fright, public speaking doesn’t phase me, occasionally improve gets my anxiety going but not often. Sometimes I think that maybe this audition angst is retribution for that. Who knows, who cares. It’s part of the job, the life. I wouldn’t have it any other way. Although if I got my anxiety under control, that’d be gravy.
Anybody got tips? Please comment.
